Each day I have to make myself get up and keep on keeping on. At times I feel overwhelmed with the dred of 6 months of chemo and what that means for my family.
When you are going to through something like this there tends to be some days that seem unbearable. But we always get through it. We have amazing friends who constantly reach out and take care of us day to day. This is a lonely road.
When I go to bed I think about one thing. Cancer.
When I wake up I think about one thing. Cancer.
This is not cool. I am so over this pain and the feeling like I am drowning each day. I am done giving Satan a foothold that makes me sad.
Today we are ok as a family and that is where I am trying to stay. We took family pictures this weekend. It was a huge blessing but so painful as well. When I look at my beautiful family I feel protective and don't like my family unit being threatened. It is weird when I see where others are putting their time and energy sometimes I just want to scream....WAKE UP. You are missing the freaking point. So annoying.
Cancer has been consuming me emotionally and spiritually. (again not cool)
I will proably need to come back to this post several times in the months to come.
But today as I was wrapped in my husbands arms I felt LOVE. LOVE that is there and available to me everyday. I don't want anger or sadnees to prevent me from being able to feel that precious love. I love my husband so much. I am over the moon for him. We are deeply in love. God gave me my perfect mate. He is just amazing. I was talking with my daughter a few days ago and we were talking about some "friendship" issues at school. I reminded her that how she acts, treats others, and what she does reflects her character. We talked about her Dad and how he has thing special quaility about himself. He is generous, forgiving, positive and loving. I told her that this does not necessarily come from Daddy but yet that it is the light of Christ. All good comes from God. He carries that with him into his interactions and actions. I asked her if she knew what I meant and she said "Oh yes, I know". Of course we talked about how no one is perfect and we all make mistakes but in the end we always go back to Christ's example.
Lately it has been hard for my hubby to "shine" his light but others have come along side us to encourage us and for that we will be forever thankful.
So again...sorry for the deep thoughts but it brings me back to a few questions. I know everyone is in a difference place with this but I think reflection and looking at our motives can be a humbling though experience and unfortunately I have been forced to do this over the last year.
What is your priority in life?
What consumes you?
On another note. I am moving a bit more. I am still struggling with motivation but I think that is part of just being down. I need some accountability and a push but I am getting there.
I ran this week and hit the bike trainer this morning. Yay for sweat!
And if you stuck with me and read this long post you will happy to know that my next POST will be a give away! So hang in there for a cool product and update on my running plans and my on going "foot"issues.
Now go out there and be intentional!!
11 comments:
A great post! I need to ask myself those questions.
You and yours are an inspiration!
((hugz))
Jamie
Because of you & your family, and my dear friend locally who is fighting with all her might to beat ovarian cancer, my whole outlook has changed on life. When I hug my husband, I close my eyes and embrace it with all my might. When I look at my children, I give them the extra kiss, the extra encouragement and the extra wink. Your strength and courage are inspiring.
Reading how deeply in love you are made me cry, but I LOVE that you were able to lose yourself in his arms and safety.
You are on my mind Harmony. So close to my heart. Rooting for you and yours.
Maybe the only good thing about suffering is that it brings into stark relief what is important and worth our time...and what is not.
You're right about how the way we treat people reflects our character. I've been shown, in the past few days, some of the less lovely aspects of my character. Things for me and God to work on, eh?
Praying for you all.
Oh Harmony, I think you are amazing! You are on a difficult path and look how you are working to get to the place you want/need to be. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for! Thinking about you guys a lot. Prayers and hugs!
Cancer has been in my life, is back again in my BIL and will be in my life again I am sure. It consumed my every single thought when it was my father's life on the line. My BIL is a man of faith, his is a minister. And for some reason I will calmer this time. More able to help, talk and understand what their family, our larger family is facing. I feel better able to understand how to continue to breath while all this is happening.
I remind myself that so many people are dealing with such heavy issues every day. It helps to know that we are all in this together. Praying for you and your family.
You never need to apologize for how you are feeling. I think about you everyday and am constantly amazed by your strength and ability to appreciate every moment. I often question if I would be able to do the same.
I know this is such a challenging time, but your struggle is shared. So many of us feel for and with you. So many prayers are being sent your way. Love you!
It is the deep thoughts that are the most important. I feel honored to have read them...that you shared them.
Thinking of you all the time. Wanting to say so much more but struggling to find the right words. Love you!
you are one special and strong lady. I think about you every day. I pray for your family and that you will have your love for a long long long time.
to answer your questions...
my priorities are the happiness of my children and to raise good people. that my kids will be kind and honest men.
what consumes me right now is dealing with my husband loosing his job after 9 yrs and now the quest to finding a new one...and not knowing where it will take us and how long it will take..nothing close to the battle you are fighting right now but in my reality it is an important situation and I worry, every minute of every day.
You are simply amazing. See rise above what could be all dark moments to see the love surrounding you and your family. Think of you often. Miss you.
Hi,
I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?
Thanks,
Cameron
Your post helped me put today in perspective. Thank you for that...
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