Each day I have to make myself get up and keep on keeping on. At times I feel overwhelmed with the dred of 6 months of chemo and what that means for my family.
When you are going to through something like this there tends to be some days that seem unbearable. But we always get through it. We have amazing friends who constantly reach out and take care of us day to day. This is a lonely road.
When I go to bed I think about one thing. Cancer.
When I wake up I think about one thing. Cancer.
This is not cool. I am so over this pain and the feeling like I am drowning each day. I am done giving Satan a foothold that makes me sad.
Today we are ok as a family and that is where I am trying to stay. We took family pictures this weekend. It was a huge blessing but so painful as well. When I look at my beautiful family I feel protective and don't like my family unit being threatened. It is weird when I see where others are putting their time and energy sometimes I just want to scream....WAKE UP. You are missing the freaking point. So annoying.
Cancer has been consuming me emotionally and spiritually. (again not cool)
I will proably need to come back to this post several times in the months to come.
But today as I was wrapped in my husbands arms I felt LOVE. LOVE that is there and available to me everyday. I don't want anger or sadnees to prevent me from being able to feel that precious love. I love my husband so much. I am over the moon for him. We are deeply in love. God gave me my perfect mate. He is just amazing. I was talking with my daughter a few days ago and we were talking about some "friendship" issues at school. I reminded her that how she acts, treats others, and what she does reflects her character. We talked about her Dad and how he has thing special quaility about himself. He is generous, forgiving, positive and loving. I told her that this does not necessarily come from Daddy but yet that it is the light of Christ. All good comes from God. He carries that with him into his interactions and actions. I asked her if she knew what I meant and she said "Oh yes, I know". Of course we talked about how no one is perfect and we all make mistakes but in the end we always go back to Christ's example.
Lately it has been hard for my hubby to "shine" his light but others have come along side us to encourage us and for that we will be forever thankful.
So again...sorry for the deep thoughts but it brings me back to a few questions. I know everyone is in a difference place with this but I think reflection and looking at our motives can be a humbling though experience and unfortunately I have been forced to do this over the last year.
What is your priority in life?
What consumes you?
On another note. I am moving a bit more. I am still struggling with motivation but I think that is part of just being down. I need some accountability and a push but I am getting there.
I ran this week and hit the bike trainer this morning. Yay for sweat!
And if you stuck with me and read this long post you will happy to know that my next POST will be a give away! So hang in there for a cool product and update on my running plans and my on going "foot"issues.
Now go out there and be intentional!!