Lovely L has been borrowing my phone and having her own photo shoots. Love the big baby. Just going for it...makes me smile and I definitely could use a smile today.
I just have a minute but wanted to blog for a bit hoping it will help me get out of my BLAH feeling day. Today has been tough. I got up and bundled up and went and ran 4.5 miles. It was cold but very peaceful. Sometimes too much quiet leads to thinking. I just feel like no matter what I do I can't get my "normal" back. Running, blogging, woorking or playing with friends...no matter what I do I still come back to the reality that my husband is fighting for his life. (darn you C word) We celebrated Christmas but it was rough because I so badly want to have a thousand more Christmas days with my husband but we just don't know. I know, I know stay in the moment but I am easily distracted.
I want attention and time from my hubby and feel myself losing my patience. (this could also be hormones..not the best time of the month) So I know I need to snap out of it. I am running and moving but it is the DREAMING part that I am losing. (I want this back...and I am 13.3 miles away)
Faith is a tricky thing. I know I need to trust in God but I am torn on what that looks like for 2012. I guess it is not tricky...I just need to TRUST!
Goals feel kind of silly?
For me, it is, "Will I be running a Marathon?" "Can I break 4 hours?" (so not important)
For my husband it is, "Will he be walking?" "Will we get a clear scan?"
I think I just need to mentally TRY to think this way. Or stay on my KNEES...PRAYING!
I WILL run a Marathon and my husband will be be there WALKING and we will be celebrating clear scans.
OK time is up, need to kick this funk and try to enjoy the "season".
Hope you all have had some great runs and precious time with those you hold dear!!
Keep On Keeping On