Saturday, January 26, 2013

Warning: Grumpy Post

I am feeling grumpy and irritated. I love social media but lately I have been struggling. Some posts/tweets just make me scratch my head. Maybe it is facebook that drives me bonkers but something has to go. I like my Keep On Keeping On page and I have connected with so many great people because of it but not sure if I want to keep it. I like to write, so blogging makes sense to me...most of the time.

I just want to stay real with myself. Why do I do what I do? This is a hard question to ask yourself?

Is it for accountability?
Is to show off?
Show my vulnerability?
My struggles?

I know what my intent is (usually) and I don't want to lose that.

Just food for thought. I am sure I am just ticked and cranky because my husband feels horrible. His throat and mouth pain is unbearable. He is dealing with the effects of chemo. He can't eat, and drinking is miserable as well. He also hasn't been smiling or talking much because it hurts too much. The kids know he is hurting. I know he is hurting but there is nothing we can do to relieve it. We had a bday party for Lovely L this weekend and she started crying during the party. She knew that her Daddy was suffering and I know she missed his normal joyful self and the crazy fun he brings to special occassions. It broke my heart.

Meanwhile it feels like life goes on and we seem to be just a distant thought or an "aww that is too bad" story. It is frustrating to say the least. This seems to be part of the cycle of my emotions of dealing with cancer in our lives. It may not be accurate but it is how I feel. I am sure I just need a punching bag and a LONG LONG run. 11 miles on tap for the a.m. I know God will meet me there just not sure about the blister I discovered under my toenail a few minutes ago.

Have you ever felt this way? What motivates you to be part of social media?


Amanda said...

Sometimes social media is my only source of interaction. I guess that's why I keep coming back and to keep on realizing we can't give up on the world because they know not what they do. Still going to keep sending prayers up for you, sister in Christ, and for relief for your husband and family.

Devon @ CrossTraining said...

I absolutely feel the same way about social media. I have fun with the Distant Runners page, which is the only reason I haven't deleted my personal page for good. I have to confess, I have just "unsubscribed" from about 75% of my friends on Facebook because a lot of things bother me too and it helps me if I just don't see it. I know I should practice grace, but sometimes its just easier for me to not even have to go there and be annoyed :) I'm sure I annoy people too though, so its a 2 way street...

Anyway, I have to tell you, as I've been up with my kids in the middle of the night (or for whatever reason) God has just put it on my heart to pray for you and your family, like heavily pray. I think you're amazing and I like that I can follow you on FB :)

Michelle said...

Grumpy posts are healing.
The fact is, you are in a horribly sad time. Yes, there is much to be grateful for, but your reality is living with cancer right now. Your plate is full. Wife, mother, caregiver, student, friend.....
Focus on what's important/positive and screw the rest. Maybe it's time to hide a few people on FB. And a long, LONG run with just you and the pavement, never hurts!

Neon Blonde Runner said...

You are the furthest thing from an "aw that is too bad story", you are an inspiration.

Tasha @Healthy Diva said...

I get fed up with social media too. It is time consuming and I would rather be doing other things then being glued to my phone or my computer. I have thought about deleting my fb account more than once and also deleting twitter, but I haven't yet....trying to keep up on social media during the week can be overwhelming!

I am so sorry about Ryan. I hope that he feels better soon. :/

Anonymous said...

I often think the same thing about social media. Like seriously, do people really need to broadcast a picture of their garmin after every fun?? Why? For validation? For people to tell them how fast they are? Social media is fun, but it has to be taken with a grain of salt. People can make you think whatever they want of themselves. They can create their identity, and it can get dangerous when we start comparing ourselves to the image and lifestyle other people broadcast and portray of themselves. Not realistic.

Paulette House said...

First of all, you are definitely not a distant thought-not to me. I think about you daily since these profound circumstances have unraveled for your family. To be honest, I'm a little surprised how it has affected me. I appreciate everything that you share-your perspective and insight is honest, purposeful, and valuable. Frankly, we should all be looking at life and those around us through the filter you are and making some personal evaluations. And, yes I definitley have felt a pull to let go of the social media altogether more than once. But so far I haven't because I'm not wanting to let go of the good parts of it. In the meantime though, I may utilize some of the modifications to help minimize the irritating parts :) My heart hurts thinking about what it would be like to face what you face. I hope you find some comfort knowing those around you support you, admire how brave you and your family are, and are positively impacted by you. You have those things no matter what.

Elizabeth said...

ahhh. totally feel you. i get tired of social media-especially when i am down and out because everyone else seems to have such perfect runs, days, lives, etc. i might be a bit bitter :):) BUT, i love it for the friendships i have made and the support when i need it. hugs!